Well baby boy is home. Carter got home on Wednesday the 15th which was a big surprise for us. We didn't think he would be home until Friday or Saturday of that week. I was ecstatic to have them home. Not having my family around was extremely hard. Adjusting to having him has been a little different then most children.
Because he had surgery on his back you can not lay him on his back at all. They want all the blood flow to his back so that it will heal well and not get infected. It makes it challenging to change diapers, get him dressed, and holding him. When he put him in the car he has to ride in a special bed car seat so that he is on his stomach. It is kinda different and makes it a little more challenging to take him places because he isn't just in his car seat to take into places. We have to measure and check his head every day for growth because he could develop hydrocephalus. What is hydrocephalus? To put it simply the fluid that is around the brain has to have a place to drain. If you have hydrocephalus yours does not drain which means you have "water on the brain." He would then have to get a shunt. So far so good. We check his soft spot on the top of his head and measure to make sure there is not significant growth that occurs. He has been measuring good and his soft spot is still flat.
His bowels may or may not have issues. So until he is old enough for them to test his bowels we have to use a catheter on him every night. Right now he is going pee on his own all day. So when we empty him he barely has any in there. This is extremely good. If he continues on this path he may not have any bowel problems at all. This is the hardest part for me. As a guy it is extremely hard to stick something up there. Even if I know that we have to and it is helping it makes me cringe every time its rough.
His feet are the only thing that we are waiting on seeing what we have to do. We have to go back up on November 7th to Salt Lake to figure that out. They wanted to do casting but if they do that we have to go up to Salt Lake every week for 2 months. This is obviously very hard since he live 3 hours away. After that he would get braces for 4 months and then he will have nighttime braces until he is 4. So this will be something that will take an adjustment and we will need to get started. Right now we are hoping we can find another option so we don't have to drive to Salt Lake every week for two months.
The girls have done very well with adjusting to him. They love him so much. He has three moms as my wife likes to say. Sometimes they love him a little to much and don't understand he isn't old enough to play just yet. So far the adjustment has not been increasingly hard. As we continue to figure out everything that needs to happen with him it will become easier and easier.
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Saturday, October 11, 2014
Should I get an abortion?
First off I would like to state that in no way would I have ever aborted my child because of a defect. I do not believe that it is something that you should do unless there are very extreme circumstances. I was asked to do this post by some people. So if someone is wondering what they should do with their baby that was just diagnosed with Spina Bifida they maybe could get some help from this post. The reality in this world is that people do think that this is something that just needs to be done. When they find out that their child has Spina Bifida, Down Syndrome, or any other kind of birth defect that could make their life and the child's life harder they choose to abort. 9 in 10 babies are aborted that have Spina Bifida So why not us? Why didn't we decide to?
He is my child. That is my little boy in there. The love that I had the moment that I knew there was another little human in there has accompanied me to this day. I have two special little girls in my life and so I didn't mind if I had another girl, or if I had a boy it didn't matter to me. Was it hard when I found out that he had Spina Bifida? OF COURSE! It may have been one of the hardest moments of our life. I look at him now and he looks like me. How could I give that up?
What about him? He is going to have a rougher life because he has Spina Bifida. Yes he is. But why can't I as a parent teach him to overcome those challenges that he may face in life? Isn't that my job as a father to help my children through the troubling times in their life? This is no different. We as parents have to help our children to be the best that they can be. Everyone is different and has different talents. He may not be Derek Jeter because he may have some physical challenges. But that doesn't mean he can't be an astronaut, a physicist, or a musician. I was born blind in my left eye and it affects me at times. The doctors told my parents that I would probably always walk weird, never be able to play sports, and probably have some different challenges in my life. I walk just fine, I may not be the greatest athlete but I played different sports all the way up until high school. I had challenges sure, but I overcame them.
Another reason is I am adopted. I could have easily been aborted and my mother chose a different option. I am extremely grateful for that. I have a beautiful family now and could not imagine not having them. I am eternally grateful that this did not happen to me. There is always the adoption route. Even if you may not think someone out there would want this baby you are going to have. I promise you there is someone out there to love that little guy or girl.
Another reason is I am adopted. I could have easily been aborted and my mother chose a different option. I am extremely grateful for that. I have a beautiful family now and could not imagine not having them. I am eternally grateful that this did not happen to me. There is always the adoption route. Even if you may not think someone out there would want this baby you are going to have. I promise you there is someone out there to love that little guy or girl.
And since I am sure at some point someone reading this is going to be a woman and maybe wants that perspective I am going to let my wife write a paragraph or so on why she didn't want to abort our little boy.
ANN: Obviously my husband and I are pro-life we were both raised and believe that abortion is wrong but I know that there are many reasons people choose to have abortions and that it is a big decision so if you are considering to abort a pregnancy make sure you have consulted with people that can help you make this decision because it is a very personal decision and it is something that will affect you for the rest of your life.
When we first found out that our baby had spina bifida it was a lot to take in what is spina bifida? And how is it going to affect me. Some of my first thoughts were selfish thoughts, what is my life going to consist of, taking care of a special needs child? Would I be able to still do things that I wanted to do? Next came my families needs, would I be able to be a good mom to my other kids and still be able to take care of a special needs baby? How would it affect my other kids? Would they feel neglect or anger towards us as parents or toward their new sibling?
There was a lot of overwhelming information about spina bifida, yes it was going to change our lives it already had but that was my baby, it didnt matter to me what sex he was, or what he looked like so why should it matter what his body was capable of doing or not doing. I know that some days are going to be challenging for my entire family because of his needs but I also know how much I love him and I was in love with him the moment I found out he was in there. That is why for me I would have never chose to abort.
Spina Bifida Surgery
Well the surgery is over. Baby boy is still asleep but the surgery was a success. Here is a link to go to that explains kinda what they do during the surgery. http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/2040493-overview if you do not want to go there and want a quick overview...
They take the opening that is on the back. They cut it and push it all back into the back and then cover it with a skin graft. The spine is involved in all of that so sometimes it can be very tricky. Some of the time the spine is not intact. But with our babies it is. They will continue to have to monitor his head for hydrocephalus which is the liquid on the brain that could occur. They should know within the first 2-4 months whether he has that and if he does we will have to get a shunt in his brain to relieve the liquid. When I can get a picture of his repaired back I will post that.
They take the opening that is on the back. They cut it and push it all back into the back and then cover it with a skin graft. The spine is involved in all of that so sometimes it can be very tricky. Some of the time the spine is not intact. But with our babies it is. They will continue to have to monitor his head for hydrocephalus which is the liquid on the brain that could occur. They should know within the first 2-4 months whether he has that and if he does we will have to get a shunt in his brain to relieve the liquid. When I can get a picture of his repaired back I will post that.
Going into Spina Bifida surgery.
We have had a long morning they were supposed to come get him at 8:30 for surgery and they didn't come till 10:30. The waiting game was hard. He is in surgery for another 3 hours and I will update more. Here are some pictures of his back and what spina bifida looks like before it is fixed. There are also some of his feet because he has club feet. And then some other pictures of him.
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| This is his back and the spina bifida. They will repair that spot. |
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| Carter in his little space shuttle transport |
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| This is when they brought him into see Mom for the first time |
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| His poor little club feet. They will have to break and move his feet to straighten them out. They will more then likely do this in a few weeks. |
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| Moms first touch almost 4 hours after delivering. |
Friday, October 10, 2014
Labor and Delivery with a Spina Bifida child.
What a long day we have had. We got the call to come in at 1 in the morning. By the time we got to the hospital it was 2 in the morning. They were starting my wife and checked her and she was only to a 1 centimeter so we figured it would be a long night. I figured that we would have him around 7 in the morning and he would be here and ready for his surgery. We didn't have the baby till 1:51 P.M. This was probably the hardest thing I have had to go through and I wasn't even the one in labor.
All of our other children have come relatively easy as far as babies are concerned. Our first daughter came after my wifes water broke at work. We rushed her to the hospital at 1 in the afternoon and had her by 8 that night. The second daughter my wife started contracting at 10:00 at night. She woke me up at 3 in the morning and said she was ready to go. We hopped in the car. Got to the hospital and got half way to labor and delivery and her water broke. An hour later the baby was being pushed out. Both of these pregnancies were natural. No epidural, not even much medicine. My wife is a rock star. This was nothing like that.
At 10:30 she finally got to 2 centimeters so that they could break her water. At this point she was in medium pain until about noon. At noon she started having very very bad contractions. They were so bad that she was saying she couldn't do it anymore. I can not stand to see my family in pain. I have to walk out of the room when my daughters get shots or blood drawn because I want to hurt the person that is hurting my children. It is by far the hardest thing in my life to watch my wife go through so much pain and I can not do anything about it. She was in some serious pain this time because nothing had started. She went for about another 45 minutes like that breaking my heart every time. She goes really fast as evidenced by the other children so I was hoping she would go just as fast. At 1 they came in and checked her and said she was a 3. She was distraught she was in to much pain for that. I asked her if she wanted an epidural. My wife is terrified of needles. This plays a big part in why she doesn't get an epidural. She said yes. So at this point I knew she was in some terrible pain. She was almost in tears during every contraction. I was in tears and trying to hold them back so she didn't see. I have never prayed so hard in my life for help for her.
About 1:15 the nurse came in and said are you feeling pressure? She said yes, so they checked her again she had jumped to a 5 in 15 minutes. She said she would page the doctor to get an epidural. She left and about 15 minutes later came in. My wife said there was more pressure so they checked her again and she was a 7. Another 15 minutes another jump of 2 centimeters. They gave here some relaxant in her IV to help her. The doctor that was delivering walked in about 5 minutes later and was introducing her self when my wife said she felt like she needed to push. The doctor checked her and she was there. So they rushed her to the operating room.
All of our other children have come relatively easy as far as babies are concerned. Our first daughter came after my wifes water broke at work. We rushed her to the hospital at 1 in the afternoon and had her by 8 that night. The second daughter my wife started contracting at 10:00 at night. She woke me up at 3 in the morning and said she was ready to go. We hopped in the car. Got to the hospital and got half way to labor and delivery and her water broke. An hour later the baby was being pushed out. Both of these pregnancies were natural. No epidural, not even much medicine. My wife is a rock star. This was nothing like that.
At 10:30 she finally got to 2 centimeters so that they could break her water. At this point she was in medium pain until about noon. At noon she started having very very bad contractions. They were so bad that she was saying she couldn't do it anymore. I can not stand to see my family in pain. I have to walk out of the room when my daughters get shots or blood drawn because I want to hurt the person that is hurting my children. It is by far the hardest thing in my life to watch my wife go through so much pain and I can not do anything about it. She was in some serious pain this time because nothing had started. She went for about another 45 minutes like that breaking my heart every time. She goes really fast as evidenced by the other children so I was hoping she would go just as fast. At 1 they came in and checked her and said she was a 3. She was distraught she was in to much pain for that. I asked her if she wanted an epidural. My wife is terrified of needles. This plays a big part in why she doesn't get an epidural. She said yes. So at this point I knew she was in some terrible pain. She was almost in tears during every contraction. I was in tears and trying to hold them back so she didn't see. I have never prayed so hard in my life for help for her.
About 1:15 the nurse came in and said are you feeling pressure? She said yes, so they checked her again she had jumped to a 5 in 15 minutes. She said she would page the doctor to get an epidural. She left and about 15 minutes later came in. My wife said there was more pressure so they checked her again and she was a 7. Another 15 minutes another jump of 2 centimeters. They gave here some relaxant in her IV to help her. The doctor that was delivering walked in about 5 minutes later and was introducing her self when my wife said she felt like she needed to push. The doctor checked her and she was there. So they rushed her to the operating room.
So literally 5 pushes the baby was out. I cut the cord and the baby was taken away immediately. Not even shown to my wife. In the operating room they have a window on the wall to pass the baby through. So off he went to get his tests and make sure he was all right because he is high risk. They returned us to our room and told us we could see him when they transferred him over to Primary Children's. We didn't get to see him until 6 when they brought him by the room. It was hard and we kept wondering if they forgot about us or what? So when they finally got there I was able to walk him over and find out when his surgery will be. Stay tuned because his surgery will be tomorrow morning at 9.
Monday, October 6, 2014
Life without my Wife
I am someone that always wants to be around my family. I want to be around my wife and I would rather have her around then have my alone time. So when I found out that we were going to have to be apart for about 3 weeks while the baby came that was really hard for me. On September 23rd I took my wife up to stay with my mom. She will be there until our baby boy is allowed to come home. As of today, it has been 13 days. I was able to go see her this past weekend but by the time I was able to get away, and the time that I had to go home it was only about 24 hours. This has been very hard for me to do. I miss her and I miss our one year old daughter who is staying with her.
From the beginning it has been somewhat challenging. I knew I was in for a fun time when the very first night I had put chicken in the sink to defrost. When I got home the plug in the sink had come undone so the water had drained and the chicken was still frozen. That is what I had planned so I didn't know what to do. So me and Lyla decided we would go get a $5.00 pizza from Papa Murphy's. Luckily it worked out OK that night but there is only so much pizza you can eat. My wife is an excellent cook and always makes sure we have something for dinner. Needless to say, I have not been as good as she is about it.
One of the first things my wife did was make a list of things that I had to do for Lyla when she got up. I was slightly offended that she didn't think that I could take care of our child. I am her dad I can handle it I said. She told me that she didn't want to come back in three weeks and our daughter had not brushed her teeth for the last three weeks. I laughed it off and said honey I will remember to brush her teeth, I haven't. There are some mornings and I will get to where I am going, either work or school and I will remember that I forgot. I also didn't give her the vitamin that she is supposed to get. I guess my wife did have something to worry about after all.
From the beginning it has been somewhat challenging. I knew I was in for a fun time when the very first night I had put chicken in the sink to defrost. When I got home the plug in the sink had come undone so the water had drained and the chicken was still frozen. That is what I had planned so I didn't know what to do. So me and Lyla decided we would go get a $5.00 pizza from Papa Murphy's. Luckily it worked out OK that night but there is only so much pizza you can eat. My wife is an excellent cook and always makes sure we have something for dinner. Needless to say, I have not been as good as she is about it.
One of the first things my wife did was make a list of things that I had to do for Lyla when she got up. I was slightly offended that she didn't think that I could take care of our child. I am her dad I can handle it I said. She told me that she didn't want to come back in three weeks and our daughter had not brushed her teeth for the last three weeks. I laughed it off and said honey I will remember to brush her teeth, I haven't. There are some mornings and I will get to where I am going, either work or school and I will remember that I forgot. I also didn't give her the vitamin that she is supposed to get. I guess my wife did have something to worry about after all.
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